One for the history books.

So, guess what happened?  That is right.  That girl that I wrote about.  Well she decided to actually go after me.  And who am I to fight?  So I accepted her into my life and put away my most valuable thing for her, my time.  Not everyone gets my time.  If you do, then consider yourself really lucky.  And so I kissed her, and about three days after she asked if we could be official.  You mean me actually being someone's boyfriend?  Ummmm....  sure.... I have never been someone's boyfriend before.  So that goes down in John Reimann history.  And things are going actually really good for about two weeks.  Then a couple of days ago she stopped touching me.  And the reason that this is weird is because she is a VERY touchy person.  So I figured that something was up.  Well today she tagged me in a picture on Facebook basically telling everyone that we are an item.  And so my hopes started going up.  Like I was just kidding myself earlier.  Well, I go over there, like I have been every evening for the past two weeks.  And she sits away from me.  So I started getting the feeling that she is going to break up with me.  And so we go to this show called I-Live.  It is basically SNL for BYU-Idaho.  It was actually super funny.  And so we went back to her place and even before I take off my shoes she asks if she can drop me off home.  Of course I said sure.  And she broke up with me.  My first dump.  Also goes down in the history books.  And I don't know how to take it.  I have been super supportive, caring, thoughtful, funny, etc.  But apparently no matter what I did, it wasn't good enough.  Am I just deemed to be a single man?  Is really being a nice guy biting me in the butt again?  I don't know what to think or do.  And I have a lesson to prepare for tomorrow in Elder's quorum.  I will just sleep and worry about it tomorrow.  This is the third time that she has broken my heart.  Well, let me just cry myself to sleep.  I hope, and I am so sincere about this, that the path that she has chosen will make her happy.  That is all I want for her, is for her to be happy.  Goodbye Alex.

I know why nice guys finish last.

So this weekend has just been... well interesting.  I have been up here at BYU-Idaho for about a month and a half now.  And this is the second three day weekend that we have had.  And so far my luck on three day weekends stop short.  The first one was bad and now this one is pretty bad as well.  But there are good parts integrated in it.  There is a girl up here that I kinda dated while I was up here last time, so roughly 4 years ago, that we met back up.  Well sort of, I am doing tech on both of the shows up here and she is one of my stage managers, and we get to see each other quite a bit.  Well, I took her on a date about two weeks ago and what a date.  It was fantastic.  And we started having feelings for each other again.  So I really kind of try my hardest not to do anything really stupid.  And on Friday my best lady friend comes up here and we talk for only about a half an hour.  SHE IS GOING ON A MISSION!!!!!!!!  To be totally honest, that has been my highlight of this whole month so far.  I am so proud of her.  She is going to be great.  Good luck Jessica!!!  I promise to write, I don't know how much, but I will.  And so Friday night this girl that we have been previously talking about comes up to me and says that we need to talk.  And by her facial expressions I can tell what is going to happen.  Well we don't get to talk until after rehearsal.  It seemed like forever.  Well, she tells me that it isn't going to work out.  And I express my gratitude for the date and for her making me happy.  And then right then and there she starts crying.  She says that there is this other guy who she is interested in and she can't decide between the two of us.  Well, I told her to choose the other guy.  It would make her happy and him as well.  I started to hate myself for saying that, but all at the same time, I would do it again.  It seems as though I am going to live a lonely life if I keep telling girls that I am not good enough for them.  That they deserve so much more then me.  I contribute this to the nice guy syndrome.  I hate inconveniencing someone to the extent that I will not ask anyone for favors.  I don't want anyone to go out of their way just for me.  They have their own lives and own problems that I just don't want to add my own problems to theirs.  And yet, I love helping other people out so much.  And there are other things that have been going through my head, but I am just not going to worry about telling all of you that read this.  Oh right, no one really reads this. I just write to vent.  Sorry to those that actually read this.  I don't mean to seem depressed.  I am actually a pretty happy person in general.  I smile and laugh quite a bit.  But all at the same time I feel so alone.  My roommates and I don't exactly see eye to eye on a whole lot of things.  I need to get away from my roommates but I just can't seem to do it.  Thus I am so grateful to be able to tech for both of these shows.  It gives me something to do.  And it gets me out of my apartment.  That is nice.  Well...  yep.

Trying to get used to the whole school thing again.

So really this post is about what has been going on these past few days.  I was not totally sure about coming back up here to BYU-Idaho.  I wasn't too sure about my roommates, my classes, my teachers and about how theater would go.  So I got up here, and everything started to go really nicely and fairly smooth.  And I find out that there is a deaf girl in my ward up here.  Weird, because I have felt like the Lord has always been putting opportunities to learn ASL in my path.  And He decides to put it in my path again.  I got super excited.  Also really nervous because the bishop asked me to be an interpreter for her.  Her name is Alexis.  And it also turns out that she is in my FHE group.  So it seems as though it was just meant to be that I am supposed to learn ASL once more.  So of course I am nervous and excited.  So I get up front of the congregation to interpret for Alexis.  And it so happens to be Ward Conference.  So our stake president is speaking with our bishop.  So I am trying to do the best I can with about a weeks worth of practice.  And after the first block the stake president asks me if I can interpret for him so he can meet Alexis.  Well, I do my best again, and he can tell that I don't know a whole lot.  So he basically lets out this sigh like I wasn't good enough.  So he kind of treats me, I am not sure he meant it to come across like it, but he treats me like what I just did was worthless and unacceptable.  Which really kind of upset me, because I basically did the best I could with what I learned that week.  And now he is going to try to find a ASL interpreter, who knows ASL fluently.  So I am confused about if it truly was the Lord's hand in me being here with Alexis, or what.  So I don't know what to think right now.

Also, I went with a friend to his place to watch a movie.  And his girlfriend is also an old friend.  We went to his place ans watched a really good movie called RED.  And while we were watching my two friends were cuddling, and it just brought back memories of when I went to movie nights and everyone had a cuddle buddy except for me.  I really do not like that.  Am I really that much of a loser that I can't get a girlfriend.  I guess that is a little harsh, but I mean why haven't I ever really had a steady girlfriend?  So it just made want a girlfriend that much more.  Though I did not want to get a gf while I was up here, because I really just wanted to focus on my school work.  But now, I just want that best friend who I can just, well, love.  And there goes the sentimental part of me again.

So that is two ways, really in the last two days how I have just felt like I am alone.

But I guess on a good note, I didn't try out for any of the plays up here.  You might be asking yourself why I would not try out for any of the productions.  And it is because I am going to try to work on both of the productions as a technician.  I feel good about this.  I want to learn all about the technical side of things so that one day I will be able to teach it to my students.

And guess what... two seconds ago, I get to chat with a friend of mine from back home on facebook.  And it turns out that she was interested in me, and I told her that the feeling was mutual.  Well kind of sucks that I am in Idaho now.  Right after I write the beginning of this blog, we talked.  Kind of stupid ironic, huh?

Well, that is my life up here so far.  I might update later.  I'll think about it.

Things have been looking up!

It has been about a month or so since my last post.  Which really is a good thing if the whole reason for starting this blog was to really vent.  So, the friend that I screwed things over with, well, it isn't totally back to where it was, but a lot better.  My prayers have been getting answered right and left.  I just love my Heavenly Father.  He takes care of me so well.  I finally found a group of friends that actually invite me to things.  I have even been able to invite them to a couple of things.  It is great.  Probably the first time in my life I feel like, well exactly how I have always thought a normal person felt that had friends. 

Throughout elementary school and middle school and even high school, I was always the person left out, the last person to know about something, the one that everyone liked when they are around me but never wanted to hang out, or they just forgot about me.  By the middle of high school, I finally just accepted it and got used to being lonely.  I honestly didn't think that a day like this would ever come to me. I mean, I have been through a lot of crap, and I just figured that this would be one thing that I would just have to live with for most of my life if not all of it. 

But I am grateful to be able to have those friends.  And even more so, I am excited to to back to school.  I have friends going up there with me.  It is going to be a party.  Well not a huge party, cause I need to do homework.  But I want to move forward with my life.  School, career, and if a relationship comes along, I might take it.  But right now, girls are not the first on my mind.  (And that is being generous.)

Well, back to my old self for a little bit.  Apparently, I am repulsive to the opposite sex.  Well, not all of them.  But the girls I am interested in won't give me the time of day, and the ones that are interested in me, well I usually break their hearts and then they won't give me the time of day.  So... girls at the moment, not my priority.  Well, at least having a relationship with one.

But other then that.  I am doing pretty good.  I got myself a place to live up in Rexburg, got me some spending money, and ready to get on with my life and get out of Colorado for a while.  Yea... It is time to move on.

I just gotta start...

So I have been thinking a lot.  The friendship that I just screwed up just became super awkward now.  Total miscommunication.  She thinks that I became super defensive about her opinion.  When I really didn't.  I posted a question on this blog and it was more of a thought provoking question or a rhetorical question.  She decided to tell me her side of the answer and all I said was,"I am going to politely disagree. thank you for your opinion."  And then I got a faceful of I am an "asshole".  If I take a step back, this would have to be something that has built up over time.  I couldn't see how something like that could come across so rude and inconsiderate.  So I must have been doing things before then, or even I became the person she decided to dump everything on.  Both are a possibility. 

Well, before this all happened, I have been thinking that I am going to start thinking about number one.  I haven't done that is such a long time.  I have always put other people in front of me.  And many times it has bit me in the butt.  There is a quote I found,"Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy is the most lonely person."  Well that is EXACTLY how I am feeling.  So I am going to do things that I have been wanting to do.  Though some of those things would be better with friends.  Right now, I really don't have any.  Screw me over.  I hate pity parties.  And it seems as though this whole blog as been that.  Well, oh well.  It is now, seeming to me, the only way to vent for me.  I just don't want to be lonely anymore.  No girl, hardly a job, barely any friends (if any), and nothing to do.  Well, I guess I just have to go though hell to understand and appreciate heaven.  I am crossing my fingers that things will be looking up here soon. 

Things have to be looking up here soon... Right?

So, I am guessing that things need to start going right after a ton of things are just going wrong.  Am I wrong with thinking that?  First, apparently I screwed up one of my most prized friendships.  Second, I interviewed for a second job, thought I got the job... got an email today and well... I didn't.  I had to miss FHE today because of work, to only work 2 1/2 hours, again because of my thumb.  My social life is going downhill.  And I really really really don't want to be living with my folks anymore.  Not that I don't love them, but I am living with two old people.  It can be frustrating sometimes.  I am stuck here at home with people that I really can't do things with.  What do I do?  Well I guess I could just arrange something to do with all my friends.  You know what... I will do that.  Wednesday night.  October 17th.  After hours.  JUNGLE QUEST!!!!  I bet you if I just ask to do it, that I will be able to.  I wonder if anyone would come...  Oh well.  I will check.   I am just not too sure with a whole lot right now.  I am just hoping that things turn around here sooner then later.  Well... yep...

Where do I belong?

Have you ever felt like you just don't belong really anywhere you are?  Yea... So earlier I talked about they type of group that I would like to hang out with.  Well... I found them.  I really really did.  And guess what... I still felt awkward around them.  I find myself going to this things and thinking,"Why am I here?"  Talk about being alone.  Is it me?  I just don't know.  I need a new life in general.  But then again, who says that it won't end up being the same?  Is this the life I am led to live?  Where I really just don't fit in anywhere I go?  I did go on a date about 2 weeks ago.  I took this girl to see the newest Batman movie.  Wow, what I night!!  She is a total superhero person like me and we get along really well.  Though, the only real problem is that she is a non-member and doesn't live the same values that I do.  But we just talked and talked and talked.  Why can't there be a LDS girl out there like that for me?  Well, to be honest, I have found a couple.  But I end up going into the friend zone.  What am I supposed to do?  I have found out that all the girls that I end up liking, not all but you know, are non-members, I get friend zoned, or find out that we have nothing really in common. 

But I guess what I am getting to is... Do I still hang out with all these groups even though I just don't feel like I belong there, or do I just stop.  Knowing who I am, I will still be going to these groups.  But I guess I am way more of a one on one type of person.  I feel better and and more comfortable and confident. 

Oh right, that girl, the superhero one, I am going to watch another movie with her on Friday.  And this Sunday is missionary Sunday, and I am speaking.  I am going to invite her.  Oh boy, scary.  But she needs it and I would love to see her there to support me.  May not happen, but at least I will try.  The worst she can do is say no.  Or say yes and still not come.  But, I can always ask.

Anyways... Just me having my pity party again.  I think that is all this is really good for. 

Oh, also.  My family is going to just sell the car that we just got.  We are fixing it up tomorrow, and then selling it.  So I can have enough money for school.  Cause I am not getting enough hours at work, especially now that I hurt my thumb.  Oh well, life sucks sometimes. 

So, in other words, I need out.