I know why nice guys finish last.

So this weekend has just been... well interesting.  I have been up here at BYU-Idaho for about a month and a half now.  And this is the second three day weekend that we have had.  And so far my luck on three day weekends stop short.  The first one was bad and now this one is pretty bad as well.  But there are good parts integrated in it.  There is a girl up here that I kinda dated while I was up here last time, so roughly 4 years ago, that we met back up.  Well sort of, I am doing tech on both of the shows up here and she is one of my stage managers, and we get to see each other quite a bit.  Well, I took her on a date about two weeks ago and what a date.  It was fantastic.  And we started having feelings for each other again.  So I really kind of try my hardest not to do anything really stupid.  And on Friday my best lady friend comes up here and we talk for only about a half an hour.  SHE IS GOING ON A MISSION!!!!!!!!  To be totally honest, that has been my highlight of this whole month so far.  I am so proud of her.  She is going to be great.  Good luck Jessica!!!  I promise to write, I don't know how much, but I will.  And so Friday night this girl that we have been previously talking about comes up to me and says that we need to talk.  And by her facial expressions I can tell what is going to happen.  Well we don't get to talk until after rehearsal.  It seemed like forever.  Well, she tells me that it isn't going to work out.  And I express my gratitude for the date and for her making me happy.  And then right then and there she starts crying.  She says that there is this other guy who she is interested in and she can't decide between the two of us.  Well, I told her to choose the other guy.  It would make her happy and him as well.  I started to hate myself for saying that, but all at the same time, I would do it again.  It seems as though I am going to live a lonely life if I keep telling girls that I am not good enough for them.  That they deserve so much more then me.  I contribute this to the nice guy syndrome.  I hate inconveniencing someone to the extent that I will not ask anyone for favors.  I don't want anyone to go out of their way just for me.  They have their own lives and own problems that I just don't want to add my own problems to theirs.  And yet, I love helping other people out so much.  And there are other things that have been going through my head, but I am just not going to worry about telling all of you that read this.  Oh right, no one really reads this. I just write to vent.  Sorry to those that actually read this.  I don't mean to seem depressed.  I am actually a pretty happy person in general.  I smile and laugh quite a bit.  But all at the same time I feel so alone.  My roommates and I don't exactly see eye to eye on a whole lot of things.  I need to get away from my roommates but I just can't seem to do it.  Thus I am so grateful to be able to tech for both of these shows.  It gives me something to do.  And it gets me out of my apartment.  That is nice.  Well...  yep.