I guess it is time to write again.

So I really don't even know how to start my thought process these past few weeks.  I guess it all started during the summer break.  I started dating this girl.  It probably wasn't the smartest thing for me to do to start with.  I never felt right about the whole thing.  But I took the time for her, like I do with basically anyone, and even kissed her.  Well, long story short, she is quite depresso, and just pessimistic.  I just can't handle that all the time, because I feel bad when I have needs or I need support.  So I can't be a regular human being, I have to be the strong one all the time.  It is hard for me to do.  So I had to drop her.  I mean she really cared about me, and I knew that she did.  But I just could not do it.

So, since then I have felt just alone up here.  I got a full time job.  So that takes up my mornings.  7am to 3:30pm.  Then I have theater practice.  And I am doing the technical side of things this time around.  I am the assistant stage manager.  But I feel as though the actors have near to no respect for me.  So theater right now for me isn't too enjoyable.  And then I have this HUGE calling in my ward.  I am the ward executive secretary.  I have no weekend.  I have no week.  I have no social life.  I just hate it.

It was my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and to be totally honest, I was a little hurt by how many people just didn't bother wishing me a happy birthday.  I feel as though i am being forgotten all the time.  What is the purpose of me being up here?  I feel like I have no one.  No love life.  hardly any friends, because I have hardly any time.

I am also having a hard time with all of my roommates.  I live with five other guys.  Two of them are just these guys that are the too good and too non-corruptible.  And so they start just dogging on anything that they don't think is righteous and good.  Well that is most of my friends that I grew up with.  And NO ONE TALKS ABOUT MY FRIENDS THAT WAY!!!  So I get upset with them.  Then there is the young one, that has a HUGE anxiety problem.  And I don't know what to do around him.  He was just grown up inside this box and he doesn't know how to be social.  One is not as bad as the two, but he is just weird on his own account.  And the other one seems as though he worships the ground I walk on.  Well, I guess that is cool to an extent.  But he tries too hard.  And it gets annoying really fast.  He tries to impress me all of the time.  SO I would like to get out of my apartment as much as I can, but I can't.  I don't have places to go to because I have an early bed time now because I work early.  SO I am stuck at my place with no social life.  It is not easy for me to not be wanted or thought about or cared about.

So I am going though more mental and emotional stress right now.  And I feel like I don't have any room to vent because there are people that are going through so much more than I am.  I have been reading a friend's blog and she has gone through hell.  And I have so much sympathy for her.  So, what do I have to complain about?  Right?  My life is not bad.  I don't know...

So I guess my last thought is about this girl.  What would my posts be like without a snippit of a girl?  The girl that I am constantly thinking about is currently on a mission.  And the thing is, I am afraid that I am not going to be the type of guy that she will be looking for when she gets back.  And when she turns me down again, I don't know how I will take it.  But I have a little hope in me that things may work out.  You can't kill all of my faith and hope, World!!  You can get a good chunk of it, but I will be able to keep some.

So in summary, I feel like I have no one.  No one to talk to, no one that cares and no one that can be here for me.  My family, I feel are the only people that have and will take time out of their schedules for me.

My folks came up here for my birthday, and I can honestly say that I have never laughed till I cried until that day.  I love my parents so much.

But I guess I will leave by just saying that I know that Jesus Christ lived and lives.  That He has truly taken our pains from us.  I decided about 5 years ago to let Him just take all my worries and pain away from me.  And to be totally honest, I have never been happier about myself and my decisions.  But there is only so much I can say.

well.... yep.... ok....