I cannot catch a break.....

So, it has been a while since I wrote on here.  Which in a sense is a good thing.  I guess mostly because I have not been interested in a whole lot of girls.  Well...  That changed when I got back up here.  There is this girl that dated one of my roommates.  And I actually really enjoyed being around her.  She understood my humor, which by the way is a HUGE PLUS, and she was super easy to talk to.  She was smart and super sharp and whitty.  Well, things did not work out between my roomie and this girl.  So I asked him if it would be ok if I could ask her out sometime.  He said sure, gave me his blessing, and I kind of left it at that.  I did not ask her out.  I thought about doing it for a while, but I figured that I lost my chance.  So I still saw her once in a while because she would come and see another one of my roommates.  And one night she texts me asking why we have not hung out.  Well, we all know that she wanted me to ask her out.  So I did.  I later find out that she has been waiting for me to ask her out on a date for about a month and a half.  You ask why?  Let me tell you.  The roommate that dated her, the one that I asked if I could ask her out, TOLD her that I was going to ask her out.  Well, to my surprise, I find myself going way out of my comfort zone and called her to ask her out.  I decided to plan this pretty fun date where we go out to dinner and then go to a gymnastics place, where you could rock climb and do all sorts of fun things.  So, me without the car, very manly I know, she picks me up for the date.  We go and eat.  And start talking, and just kept on talking.  Well, we ended up talking the rest of the evening and never went to the gymnastics place.  It was a really enjoyable night.  So we keep in contact, roughly EVERY DAY, and talk and talk and talk.  I am starting to really like this girl.  She then asks me out to lunch.  We go out to lunch and talk, and talk and talk.  Holy Moly, I have never just talked on dates before like this.  I loved it.  I was really starting to want this girl to be mine, in a sense.  Well, she starts hanging with her friends (oh btw, important, she is not in the same city as I am, she is living with her parents.  So she is taking the semester off of school and working at Wendy's)  and one night she hung out with a couple of her married friends, and asks herself if she will ever have that with a guy.  So we talk about it.  And she starts pushing me away.  More and more, she just gradually stops talking with me.  So I am getting super confused with this girl. So I ask her out again, to see if she would come or not.  Well, she says yes.  We go on a double date with my roommate that is a mutual friend and his date, that I actually knew from back in Colorado.  And my date sat NEXT to me the whole night, I don't think that our thighs separated.  And trust me there was enough room for all of us to spread our elbows.  So, I am thinking that things might be looking up.  After the dinner, we separated from the other couple and went to grab a few DVD's from my best friend.  We start watching the Office, because it is one of her favorite shows.  And to start off, she would not cuddle with me, which confused me that much more because during the dinner she would not stop touching me.  Then she started leaning on me, which I was not complaining about.  And then my roommate came in back from his date, and sat next to us.  And she starts cuddling with both of us.  She is also making these comments about how in love she is with the character of Jim.  And then she starts falling asleep.  So I wake her up so she can drive home safely.  Well, I also invited her to come to a Super Bowl party with me.  And of course she accepts.  Well, between the Office and the Super Bowl, she didn't say a single word to me.  So I wasn't sure if she wanted to go or not.  In fact I start assuming that she is just playing games with me.  So I tell her that she doesn't have to come if she does not want to.  She says that she wants to.  I accept that.  What else can I do?  So she comes and we cuddle the whole time.  Well, it was like me keeping her feet warm the whole time.  And my Broncos lost.  I was super sad about it.  And she was not the greatest comforter to me.  Well, we leave the party and I wanted some answers.  So I said that we needed to talk.  Why is she pulling away?  What have I done?  She opens up to me, with a little prying from my side, and I start understanding where she is coming from.  She still wants me, but she feels as though she is bringing me down.  Which by the way was bull shit.  And she tells me what is up with her.  I tell her a similar experience that I had to help her out.  And it helped her out.  So I probably made the worst move, I kissed her.  I enjoyed it!  Very much so.  But then she keeps telling me that it is over between us.  I leave, and I get a text from her saying that I made her night.  So I decided to tell her that I was not going to give up on her.  Well, that apparently was the wrong thing to do as well.  She starts shooting me down, left and right.  And so what am I supposed to do?  Keep trying?  To hell with that.  If she doesn't want me anymore, because she doesn't think she is good enough for me, then I guess she isn't.  There really is nothing more I can do.

I have been so close to a relationship on so many accounts, but somehow I blow it.  I just think I am bad luck.  I am going to die single.  That is how I feel right now.  I find someone that I think is worth fighting for, and I am not a fighter, and she shuts me down.  I thought that I showed her that I could help.  Nope, apparently I am just no good.  I find these amazing girls and then I get the whole,"You are too good for me.  You need someone better."  So I take that as I need someone more gospel centered.  I find a girl that I think I would be interested in that is more like that, and we just don't get along.  I am sometimes pretty crude and pretty darn sarcastic.  And they don't understand my humor very well.  So I think that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  It is a catch 22.  I am going to be single forever.  WHAT IS THE POINT!!!!!!!!  I am sick of this crap.  I am willing to help her.  I want to help her.  But she is afraid of disappointing me.  What am I supposed to do?  Move on like I never liked her?  She tore a piece of my heart out today.  Not the whole thing, because I did not give her the whole thing, but still.  I am hurting.  I just cannot catch a break.....