Hey there...

So the thing is, I know that basically no one reads this.  So I just do this to vent and get words out.  I find it the only thing I can do when I feel as though I have no one to talk to.  Well, no one that I feel wants to listen.  People say that they are willing, but no one really wants to hear about how I feel sorry for myself.  So I come here, to no one, with the possibility that someone may read it, that is what comforts me a little.

So this past year has been an interesting one when it comes to the ladies.  Yes, I know, this again... Well, it is my blog and I can write about whatever the hell I want to.  I had my first girlfriend, Celeste.  We dated for a total of 3 months.  That is my record so far.  She was pretty darn amazing.  And I treated her like she aught to be treated.  I helped with dinners, I danced with her in the kitchen, I supported her in everything that she did, and I was there for her during her rough times.  And the thing is, I was dating her while I was waiting for this missionary.  I know, I really shouldn't have.  Even during the time I knew that I shouldn't.  But man, I was head over heals about this girl.  So I, in essence liked two girls at the same time.  So, I ended things with Celeste right before this missionary came home.  I didn't feel right that I would date this awesome girl when I was thinking about someone else.  I still stand by my decision though.

So a little background on this missionary girl.  We literally grew up together.  We really didn't do a whole lot together but we were in the same ward for most of our lives.  We went to the same high school together.  And I took her to my senior prom, because she was becoming one of my best friends.  She liked me for most of high school, not a 100% sure, but I think she did.  And I kind of gave her the cold shoulder and went on my mission.  We wrote back and forth and I was still there for her when she needed me.  I felt as though she needed me, which is a nice feeling.  So I got back from my mission, and we started hanging out more, and that is when I saw her in a different light.  I would have sworn that she was the girl for me.  But she gave me a cold shoulder and went on her mission.  But we still wrote each other and I was feeling pretty dang good about her.  I said that when she gets back and I could take her on a coupe dates that she might think the same thing about me.

Well, she came back, and she started dating this guy, I swear it was like 2 weeks after she got home.  But I convinced her that he was not the guy for her.  He was a creep.  Which he truly was.  And then after that she started dating this other guy one month after she got home.  It was with this guy who got home one month after she did, so he JUST got back home when they started dating.  And when they started dating, communication between her and me basically stopped.  She stopped calling because she didn't need me anymore.  She fell in love with her best friend.  Which makes me happy for her.  But I think I realized that we only talked because she needed someone to help her through things, and that is what I was good for.  I don't mind it, but I just wish that sometimes I could be wanted as well as needed.

So I really haven't dated anyone since.  Because I don't know what to do.  I have always wanted to date and marry my best friend.  But for me you really can't know someone until you have known them for a year or so.  I would love to at least know the person for a year, if not date them for a year, before I even think about proposing.  And some girls up here are just wanting a ring.

Am I too picky?  Maybe.  I find myself interested in girls that are graduating that semester.  Happened last semester.  There was this girl who had the same humor that I did, and she would give it right back.  She was awesome.  I just wish that I had more time with her and got to know her earlier.

Also, this semester has been a little rough for me as well.  I am off track and working for the theatre department in the script library.  It is quite the cushy job.  But it also gives me a lot of time to think.  And I find myself getting into a depression when I just have time to think.  Thus the reason for this post.  It is hard to be one of the only single people in your group of friends.  As well as people have found me to be part of their directing scenes.  I seem as though I always get cast as the supporting, the part that never gets the girl.  I feel as though it is starting to be a type cast.  Which hurts.  One of these times I would love to play the romantic lead.  But oh well.

I also don't always thoroughly enjoy it when I keep getting asked why I am not dating anyone, and having people try to set me up with their friends.  Please just let me be me.

Don't get me wrong,  This past year has had more ups than downs, thus the reason for the post this far away from the last one.  I just wanted to get some things off my chest.  I think this will do for now.