A lot has happened...

So, I don't know how to even start.  Since my last post, it has been about 2 1/2 years.  And it has been one hell of a ride.  I have been in a couple of relationships, graduated college and got my bachelors degree, got my first paid acting gig, moved to Tucson, and got a big boy job.  But I guess the only real reason I came back to this is because I don't know who to talk to.  So I will talk to whoever would see this.

Let's talk about what I want to talk about.  A couple of years ago I got into a relationship with an amazing girl.  And things were going pretty well for a few months.  Well that is until I had my first ejaculation.  Then it started going downhill.  We would make out just so that both of us could orgasm.  And then clothes started coming off and I just had to end the relationship before we were kicked out of school and we would do something irreversible.  It tore her to shreds.  I became the worst guy I knew.  I started falling into severe depression.  But I tried to move on. 

Then I met her... The girl I fell head over heels for.  I fell for her so quickly.  She was the funny, clever, hard working, beautiful... well she still is all of those things.  But the problem with this relationship is that the whole time it was long distance.  And apparently it was just too much for her.  So she ended it, and I was planning on asking THE question.  Broke my heart... So I did probably the not so smartest thing in the world, I got back into contact with the previous girl.  Well, that lasted for about two weeks and I don't think I have ever been on such an emotional roller coaster.  I started questioning my faith, and my goals. 

Well, I had to end it again before I fell into such a dark hole.

I have made probably the best friend I could have down here.  She is a miracle in my life.  And she is so spiritual.  She is helping me get back on the right track.  The only reason that I cannot really go to her to talk about all of this is that she has feelings for me while I still have strong feelings for the girl I thought I would marry. 

And the girl I thought would be my wife contacted me today and yesterday.  And it has just hurt my heart.  It has hurt so much.  How can I still be friends with her when all I see is the love of my life? 

Well, the Tucson girl has been there for me since basically the breakup of dream girl.  I don't know really what to do... I am hurting and I can't talk to Tucson girl because I don't want to hurt her.  I have friends that I can talk to, sure, but I don't want to be a burden...

I am just kinda lost...