I don't know what I am doing...

So ever since I was dumped, it seems as though a lot of what goes through my mind is relationships.  I have been fighting this whole feeling for a while.  The feeling of, a relationship for me can wait.  But now I feel like it is something that I need.  It feels like a switch went off inside of me.  I want someone to care for and care for me.

So last night I went over to a girl's place.  And this specific girl, well I really liked her before I left for school, and I found out that she kinda liked me back.  Which always sucks to find out too late.  While I was at school I found out that she started seeing someone.  And so for me, I try to move on, because it seems as they did.  Well I come back and find out that she isn't dating anyone, and the guy was just a short term kinda thing.  Well, I kinda got my hopes up again.  So I went over to her place and we watched a couple of movies.  Well I guess we watched two and a half.  And it was great.  I really do enjoy a good snuggle.  And so I was kinda figuring that she was interested back.  But I keep getting these mixed vibes.  Like one instance she is interested, and the next she isn't.  Well, I really can't blame her at all.  Why would she like someone and pursue if she knew that I was leaving?  And that is what is bothering me.  Well, I think I got my answer.  I will be taking her out on a date on Wednesday.  But I won't do anything really big.  Just a regular date.  My mind is made up.  I can't do that to her or me.  It would just be unfair.

I just hope that when I go back up to school that I can just find someone to spend time with.  I really do not like being lonely.  I don't want to be alone anymore.  But I don't know if it will happen or not.  Oh well...  I just wish that I could know what would happen if I pursue someone.  So that I don't get hurt, or hurt them.  I am afraid that it is going to take some time before I meet her.  I don't want it to.

I also am thinking a lot about leaving Colorado.  I have grown up here my whole life.  I don't know what I will do in Tucson.  I am going to miss this place so much.