Well, I figured out something today

So, I took that girl out on the date.  And she said that she had a good time, but she also had a headache the whole time too.  And it seems as though that she kinda lost interest in me.  And again, I don't blame her.  Why go after someone that is just going to go away, and possibly not return?  Well, I dropped her off at her place and that was that.  I don't know what to take from her.  She is about just as quite as I am.  And for me the date was a little awkward.  I felt like I was trying to impress her too much.  And because of that, I couldn't think of anything to talk about.  What a loser I am!!  I can mess my own life up, thank you.

And also last night I went over to another friend's place.  She just really started coming back to church.  And it has been really hard for her.  Well, because she feels as though no one likes her.  And that in itself would be super hard for me to deal with.  And we were talking about relationships and such, hmmmm, seems like I do that often when I hang out with girls.  I found out something about myself.  I know why I have never had a girlfriend and have always been the "nice guy".  It is because I push people away.  I would rather see other people happy and me sad.  And so I have always seen the best in people.  So because of that, I see that I would only hold them back.  That they deserve so much more than me.  So I push them away for their own good.  All I care about is their happiness.  But now that I am writing this, I can see why people have gotten mad at me for doing it.  If someone likes me, they should be worth keeping.  I don't know.....  I finally had a girlfriend and now I want someone to care for me again.  It is nice to be needed.  Man......  I just can catch a break can I?  oh well....  There is nothing in life that I cannot go through, because I have God and Christ on my side.  I will trek through all of my heartaches, headaches and stomachaches.  For with Jesus, my life can be full and happy.  I am not alone.  I may not have a girl to call my own, but I am not alone.  Soon.  Hopefully.